I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I've blown a few things in my day
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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