Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
