Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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