Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
