I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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