I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
