Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
