I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
