Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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