I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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