I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Life is so much better after having sex.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
