what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
