Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
