Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
