and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
