I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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