would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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