based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
