I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
