Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
