I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
