i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
