R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
