Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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