so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
