turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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