whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
