it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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