woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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