the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
