its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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