Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
