i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
