fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Buhtt sex?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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