he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
