The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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