he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
