I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Couch. On fire.
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