I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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