We're facebook friends in real life
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
