At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
