NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
