Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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