SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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