looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
