This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
