My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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