Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
