therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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