I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
