Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
