Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
