No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
