Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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