You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
