i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
