my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
