Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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