my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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